the bad sad

So I have been away with my familly as my grandfather passed away on Thurs Oct 6. It is very sad and today was the funeral. It was kind of unexpected but expected at the same time. I am planning on drowning myself in work until... oh about Christmas. My grandmother is now alone... And that is sad too. They were married for 57 years.

Death makes me think, reassess and re-evaluate my goals in life. I hate being sad and always try to speed the process up and get past it, only to have the sadness come stomping back in when it is least welcome. So in short I am glad it is over, the funeral and memorial, but I know the bad sad.. The sad that leaves you passed out on the floor from tears, that sad has not come yet... I'm expecting it mid march 2007 or something like that.

Maybe it won't come at all.. Maybe because I was able to be with him and hold his hand during his last 3 hours, and even though he was not very conscious I was able to say what I needed to and cry when I needed to and he was able to squeeze my hand. Maybe that will make it easier, here's hoping...

Love you Papa